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<title>take me to the beating heart by essektheylyss (midnightindigo)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660086">take me to the beating heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightindigo/pseuds/essektheylyss'>essektheylyss (midnightindigo)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ceremony, M/M, Marriage, Tether Essence can be the handfasting spell right, and get unexpectedly emotional about it?, that's what the spell's for, why hold a wedding when you can get your friend to marry you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:20:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightindigo/pseuds/essektheylyss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They'd have Fjord marry them, very casually, when they saw him on the Coast, they'd decided. It didn't have to be a thing, they'd decided.</p>
<p>And it isn't, in the end. It's perfect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Fjord &amp; Caleb Widogast, Fjord &amp; Essek Thelyss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>take me to the beating heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This has been rattling around in my brain for ages now and tonight was feeling just soft enough to write it.</p>
<p>Title from "The Living" by San Fermin.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The chair creaks with every rock—back, forth, back, forth, back—and the sound meets the quick rush of the tide lapping in and out on the shore beyond the reeds of the coast. The wooden porch hangs on the edge of twilight as the sea descends into an inky pool, spreading from the fingertips of where they can touch with their eyes, and his heart hangs in his throat. </p>
<p>Globules of light flicker into being around them, and Fjord looks up with surprise, the creak pausing for a split second as he blinks. “Oh thank you,” he hums, and resumes the steady movement of the wooden rocking chair, looking like a weathered man long since retired from danger. It is not true for any of them sitting on this porch, but it is a nice thought—his friends, safe, healthy, content, without any gods or monsters lapping at their heels. </p>
<p>The chains on this hanging swing must have been oiled recently, because they do not rock like the chair as he toes it into movement, and Essek’s low grumble echoes against his collarbone where his head rests, adjusting the book laid across their laps so he can keep his place on the page.</p>
<p>“You know, we are on vacation,” he murmurs into Essek’s hair, and his grumble turns more to a hiss. “We’re here to relax.”</p>
<p>“This is relaxing to me.”</p>
<p>Caleb knows this, and Essek knows that he’s teasing, so he continues to read, and Caleb continues to pretend that he isn’t following along over his shoulder.</p>
<p>If this was a night he could live in, he would—buzzing with crickets and full of life and warmth and just enough of a breeze that Essek curls into him, and he rekindles the lights when they blink out even though he knows Essek doesn’t need them to read. His scarred skin hums with energy, and though he always looks forward to returning to the school for another year, there are pockets of time that feel like they could last forever, and he wouldn’t mind.</p>
<p>He has not learned to bottle time, yet, but he would if it meant he could feel this in his soul all of the time—but then, what kind of life would it be if he couldn’t appreciate this? If this felt so mundane that he grew used to this kind of gentle pleasure?</p>
<p>There’s a certainty in his chest where warmth pools, and he presses his lips to the top of Essek’s head. “Shall I ask him now?”</p>
<p>Essek hums and closes his book, hands clasping it to hide the twinge of nervousness that Caleb knows is there. As he sits up, Caleb finds his fingers, closing around them and setting the book aside for him, and Essek leans into Caleb until Caleb presses his lips to his brow, and he nods. </p>
<p>Fjord has not moved from where he rocks, the steady groan of the chair melding into the hum of insects, and he barely raises an eyebrow as they stand up to face him, hands clasped together tight. “Can I help you?”</p>
<p>“You know, Fjord, I think we could’ve planned your demise and you wouldn’t have noticed,” Caleb says, and Fjord’s single raised eyebrow pushes higher.</p>
<p>“I’d certainly have noticed if you tried to jump me,” he responds, and his sword glimmers to a wicked point in his palm. Essek’s face twists into a smirk as he glances at Caleb, who sighs. </p>
<p>“Well, fortunately, it will not come to that,” Essek says finally, and then the nerves hits him again, and Caleb’s hand tightens around his. “We were wondering… ah…”</p>
<p>When he flounders, Fjord looks as though he might turn back to his view of the sea and the stars overhead, and Caleb’s heart flutters as he squeezes Essek’s fingers. “We were wondering if… if you might marry us.”</p>
<p>Fjord blinks, and the sword shimmers out of existence as quickly as it had come. “What, now?”</p>
<p>“Ja, now, I think,” and he looks to Essek, who nods.</p>
<p>“Now,” Essek agrees. </p>
<p>Fjord sighs and gets to his feet, stretching for a long minute, before he stands before them. “I suppose it is a nice night for it,” he says, and Caleb cannot help but agree as the stars blink one after the other into view overhead. “Alright, let’s do it, then.”</p>
<p>Fjord waves Caleb’s magical lights away and lights a lamp, hanging it overhead as they step together to let him stand adjacent. “You know Jester’s going to kill me when she finds out I allowed this without her here?” he asks dryly, and Essek’s lip curls.</p>
<p>“Ah, and you’re going to be the one to tell her then?”</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck no,” Fjord says, and holds out a hand. “Do you have any ribbon? Cord? String? I’ll have to find some—“</p>
<p>Essek produces a very fine spool of cord, gleaming platinum, and Fjord takes it wordlessly. Caleb clasps Essek’s hands in his, crossed one over the other, and his thumb lilts gently across the pads of Essek’s palms, calming the jitters in his own arms as well as Essek’s. </p>
<p>Fjord unspools the cord and wraps it around their wrists, weaving it between them three times before the spell begins to take hold. He steps back.</p>
<p>“Do either of you care to say anything?” Fjord asks, after a moment of silence, and they look at him. “I don’t exactly have an audience to announce why we are gathered here today, so I figured we could skip to whatever you two might’ve had the forethought to write up for vows, and then we’ll, ah, you know, do the thing.”</p>
<p>“You are a spectacular presider,” Essek drawls, and Caleb laughs. “Truly inspiring.”</p>
<p>“I don’t exactly marry people everyday,” Fjord sneers, gesturing to them in a ‘get on with it’ motion. “And you assholes did not give me much warning.”</p>
<p>As lackadaisical as he sounds, the ensuing silence feels solemn, and in the living warmth of the night and the pounding of his heart, it takes a good deal of restraint not to simply pull Essek into his chest and hold them tightly together. </p>
<p>“Well, I…” he starts, and feels the words catch in his throat. “I’m afraid that I did not write anything out, in spite of having decided this several weeks ago, because—“ he swallows hard, peering into the rafters, then back down to Essek who is standing in front of him while Fjord waits for them to speak.</p>
<p>When they had discussed it, it had felt casual, offhanded—something that they’d considered doing in some fashion, once or twice, that they figured they might as well do now when they were going to see someone who they both trusted to bear some kind of witness. Now, though, it feels as though he might choke on the solemnity of it.</p>
<p>“Because sometimes words do not feel big enough. They are for organizing things, things that can be set onto paper and laid out in rows, for making sense of them, and…” he licks his lips and glances toward the spool of thread in Fjord’s hand instead of looking at either of them, though it feels silly to avoid Essek’s gaze now. “This is not something that has ever been organized. On paper, it is not something that is sensible. And I—“ he stutters over the word before he can continue, “and I am… grateful that we are larger than that. And I cannot claim that I love you on any smaller a scale.”</p>
<p>As he finishes, he finally looks to Essek, and there is a lightness on his face that makes Caleb giddy for the first time this evening. Fjord, bless his soul, clears his throat, and turns to Essek. “Okay, uh, if that’s all, your turn.”</p>
<p>Essek swallows hard and Caleb resists bringing their crossed hands to his mouth to brush his lips across Essek’s knuckles. “I… don’t think I need to remind you—either of you—that I would be in a… very different place, had I not met you when I did,” he says, and Caleb knows that when he says ‘a different place,’ he means ‘dead,’ and Essek’s right—he doesn’t need to be reminded—but it still curdles his blood to think about. “And I am, of course, very glad to be here, instead, but… I can think of nowhere I might be that would not be improved by having you at my side. And you are correct—words are for spells and research and analysis and—“ he stops to think for a moment, and Caleb can see the gears working in his brilliant brain, “there is not the time tonight, to describe to you in detail what you mean to me, because I don’t think we would ever leave this spot.” </p>
<p>He chuckles, and glances down at their interlaced fingers, and exhales very slowly. </p>
<p>“And I—“ he seems to compose himself, a bit, and looks up and meets Caleb’s eyes with determination. “And I love you, Caleb Widogast. I never believed I would choose to bind myself to someone else—I believed it a weakness, in fact, for most of my life—and you are the exception, it would seem. In every way.”</p>
<p>They stand in silence that is almost unbearable and finally Fjord says, “You know, this would go more smoothly if you’d tell me when you’re done speaking, but—“ He rolls his eyes. “Hands, please.”</p>
<p>He gathers their entwined hands in his large, weathered palms, and closes his eyes, murmuring something quietly beneath his breath—the cord glows around their wrists and fingers, and the ocean breeze whips around them, tugging at their collars and hair, and the salt catches in their noses as it passes by.</p>
<p>A crane alights on the railing, and Caleb takes a moment to smile at his familiar as Frumpkin tilts his large avian head and watches the ceremony complete.</p>
<p>“Okay, I now pronounce you married,” Fjord says, finally, the cord still glowing as he pulls his hands away. “You can kiss, if you’d like.”</p>
<p>Caleb presses forward, finally, and presses his lips to Essek’s like he’s done more times than even he can count, but tonight it is sacred and he inhales this kiss like it’s oxygen. Their hands are tangled together or his would already be at Essek’s jaw and in his hair, but when he breaks away to unravel their fingers, the cord fades into nothing as Essek mumbles an incantation. Caleb feels the magic tie them together, divine, dunamantic, and he almost laughs out loud at the expenditure of magic.</p>
<p>“You two are so dramatic,” Fjord says wearily, but he grins as he claps them both on the shoulder. “Congratulations, you bastards. Everyone else is going to be pissed at all three of us, and it’s going to be glorious.”</p>
<p>He turns to stalk back to his chair, settling back down to resume the soft creaking motion of its rocking, and Caleb laughs, imagining the look on any of their friends’ faces when they hear, but… the stars are out in earnest now, as brilliant as the white freckles across Essek’s face, and the warmth cradles them and they press together, and Frumpkin makes a long, low whine. “As much as it would’ve been nice to have them here, I think this was the best way.”</p>
<p>“I am inclined to agree,” Essek nods, and Fjord glances at them again, then waves them off.</p>
<p>“Alright, just—fucking—kiss again, I know you want to. Don’t stop on my behalf,” he grumbles, and stands again to shuffle past them into the house. “I’m gonna find us some damn drinks.” The door clatters closed, and Caleb leans into Essek, grinning against his spouse’s lips, barely able to conceive of what they’ve just done, and every inch of him hums with excitement at knowing that it is true.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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